Judgement Day

Dear GOD, what have I done? Stepped on the scale this morning. Guess I'm going to have to adjust my weight loss goals a bit. 40 pounds to lose? More like 50. I am NOT kidding. Ladies, I have done it. I have hit the unforgivable mark. I have reached a weight that I only previously hit while pregnant. And I don't have that excuse.

Might explain why my shorts, my fat fat shorts, are getting tight. I have gained, roughly, 15 pounds this summer. I don't think I've been out of control eating, but I haven't exactly been eating right all the time. And the chocolate continues to come into my house and get eaten.

First thing I did after getting off the scale was put on workout clothes. Then I did 50 sit ups. Drank a Dannon adult drinkable and went to the Rec Center. Worked off 350 calories (by the elliptical's estimate). Came home, ate some scrambled eggs and started to read "The Skinny on Losing Weight Without Being Hungry" by Dr. Louis J. Aronne.

One night, when I couldn't sleep (another result of my bad eating), I saw David Letterman and one of his staffers was on a scale. He was very overweight and Dr. Aronne was helping him lose weight. On this particular night, he had lost about 50 pounds. I don't remember the exact amount of time he'd been working on it, but everyone seemed impressed and he seemed happy about it. What I remember most was the guy talking about Dr. Aronne made it easier for him with his plan, little steps in adjusting his diet.

My tendency is to cut it all out. No more sweets, no more wine, no more high fructose corn syrup. And then I can't keep it up. I fail. Time and time again. Yo-yo back and forth. The gist of Dr. Aronne's book is that some of us, predisposed to gaining weight, have a broken fullness meter. I can eat and eat and not feel full. My brain isn't getting the right message that I'm full and I need to stop eating. My husband does that. And even when he overeats (cookies, mainly) he will eat less at the next meal. He has been blessed with an excellent metabolism. One I hope my kids inherited. I, however, have not. I can try to lose weight, do well for a while, but I feel deprived. And when I feel deprived, I start to eat.

This is a bad time to start losing weight. Typically I do better in the winter. Not sure why. Filling soups? But also, I'm feeling financially pinched. We're trying to pay off credit card debt. And I have that goal in mind. I'm o.k. with it. But to have two things I'm trying to control at once, eating and money? It's overwhelming.

I'm really starting to like this book. It's not about willpower. It's about fixing my fullness meter and retraining it to feel full again when I'm supposed to, not after overeating.

Gotta go read. Maybe I'll learn that I can have my chocolate and eat it too!