Blizzards and swirling emotions

It's not winter. I know. But I'm thinking cold. It's too muggy here today and I'm not enjoying the moist air.

Where is Fall? Where is the cold-enough-you-need-a-sweatshirt weather? The cool, crisp air. I'm already itching to make soups and bread. But it has to be cool enough before I'm turning the oven on. I do NOT need another heat source right now.

We're having a lazy Saturday. Got up early for a soccer game and found out it was cancelled. Thankfully, as the rain was pouring down, running over our gutters and lightening was flashing through our window, the league cancelled. Sad, that my life has come down to being happy when a soccer game is cancelled.

Little things like that are what make my day. I'm not picky. I don't need jewelry, fancy cars, nice things. Do the dishes for me. Pick up when I ask you to. Listen to me. Make my job a little easier. Don't I beat myself up enough without you helping me?

My daughter beats herself up, verbally, all the time. I'm trying to teach her how to be nice to herself. "Give yourself a break," I'll say. It just goes into the air. "But..." You fill in the blank. Whatever she was supposed to do, it should have been done. Doesn't matter if it's no big deal. Doesn't matter if no one was hurt or the world will still keep spinning, it is the end of the world to her. She's 10. How sad is that?

She's always been this way. She was very determined as a baby and toddler and got very frustrated when things didn't happen easily for her. I'm thinking I should have let her struggle a bit more, figure it out for herself, but she was just so pathetic. She's hard on herself and we all have to pay for it.

She is just like my mother. Can't begin to get into that story. The woman is a perfectionist, who demands perfection from everyone around her. You aren't and she is disappointed and pissed off. Not a good combination. The gene's are strong in this family. Determination, stubborn, velociraptor-like.

I've learned that it isn't always my fault, but it sure feels like it. No matter what you do, it's not right, it's not enough, it just won't work. That's a pretty hard way to live your life. It's taken me years to realize that there is more then one way to put chocolate chip cookies on a pan (I'm not kidding, according to my mother, there is only one right way. Seriously.), my mother's way isn't always the right way, and I am capable of finding new ways to approach a problem.

Unfortunately, my daughter is starting the cycle all over again. How do you teach perseverance? How do you teach a child that it is o.k. to make mistakes? I make mistakes all the time and show her that it is O.K. She still thinks that I'm perfect. Around, around, around.

The women in this family are certifiable.