Blizzards and swirling emotions

It's not winter. I know. But I'm thinking cold. It's too muggy here today and I'm not enjoying the moist air.

Where is Fall? Where is the cold-enough-you-need-a-sweatshirt weather? The cool, crisp air. I'm already itching to make soups and bread. But it has to be cool enough before I'm turning the oven on. I do NOT need another heat source right now.

We're having a lazy Saturday. Got up early for a soccer game and found out it was cancelled. Thankfully, as the rain was pouring down, running over our gutters and lightening was flashing through our window, the league cancelled. Sad, that my life has come down to being happy when a soccer game is cancelled.

Little things like that are what make my day. I'm not picky. I don't need jewelry, fancy cars, nice things. Do the dishes for me. Pick up when I ask you to. Listen to me. Make my job a little easier. Don't I beat myself up enough without you helping me?

My daughter beats herself up, verbally, all the time. I'm trying to teach her how to be nice to herself. "Give yourself a break," I'll say. It just goes into the air. "But..." You fill in the blank. Whatever she was supposed to do, it should have been done. Doesn't matter if it's no big deal. Doesn't matter if no one was hurt or the world will still keep spinning, it is the end of the world to her. She's 10. How sad is that?

She's always been this way. She was very determined as a baby and toddler and got very frustrated when things didn't happen easily for her. I'm thinking I should have let her struggle a bit more, figure it out for herself, but she was just so pathetic. She's hard on herself and we all have to pay for it.

She is just like my mother. Can't begin to get into that story. The woman is a perfectionist, who demands perfection from everyone around her. You aren't and she is disappointed and pissed off. Not a good combination. The gene's are strong in this family. Determination, stubborn, velociraptor-like.

I've learned that it isn't always my fault, but it sure feels like it. No matter what you do, it's not right, it's not enough, it just won't work. That's a pretty hard way to live your life. It's taken me years to realize that there is more then one way to put chocolate chip cookies on a pan (I'm not kidding, according to my mother, there is only one right way. Seriously.), my mother's way isn't always the right way, and I am capable of finding new ways to approach a problem.

Unfortunately, my daughter is starting the cycle all over again. How do you teach perseverance? How do you teach a child that it is o.k. to make mistakes? I make mistakes all the time and show her that it is O.K. She still thinks that I'm perfect. Around, around, around.

The women in this family are certifiable.

TV is dangerous

I thought that might make you look. TV is dangerous. Delightful, daring, dull. Depends on what you're watching. I was watching a morning news show during my workout. They were comparing the presidential candidates, side-by-side, on their education policy, health care reforms and energy ideas. It will become apparent very shortly who's "side" I'm on. But follow me for a moment.

The poll the news program was using as an indicator of where the public stands on the candidates right now showed that they're pretty much tied. 50% of the nation wants John McCain and 50% want Barrack Obama. So, basically, 50% of the nation is nuts. I only say that because we must take sides. We must stand up and pledge our allegiance to one party or another, or go with the group that pledges no allegiance to anyone and keeps putting Ralph Nader on the ticket, but that's another post entirely.

I've pledged my allegiance. I am the black sheep of the family. I have horrified my grandmother by supporting the muslim loving, "inexperienced", wants to teach Kindergartners comprehensive sex ed, votes with his party, wants to gouge the middle class, fast talker Barrack Obama.

Now, before you get all insulted, let me add that most of those descriptive terms came from either John McCain ads (and who's going to take that seriously?) or idle (and wrong) chatter. So, obviously, I am a democrat, much to my parent's chagrin.

Republicans, at this point, can move on to another blog. I'm sure you'll just disagree with me anyway.

Still with me, Democrats? Good. Here's my point, one side will win...one side will lose. But I don't want to lose because John McCain and his spin factory can spit out more filth than the Obama campaign. Lies, all lies. Is this how the democratic process works?

When did our esteemed process become about who has the most money to spend on lies and who can convince their flock that the other candidate is the devil himself (even if he is)?

If we lose, and I'm not saying we are - because I can only hope that the American public isn't stupid enough to vote with the party that brought us George W., but if we lose I want it to be because our candidate isn't right for the job.

Just look at the man. Watch him speak. He is inspiring, no two ways about it. John McCain looks like an evil squirrel that has found a cache of nuts and he's not going to share. I feel that Obama can make our country right again. And I only hope that there are other, like minded people out there that feel that way to. So we can win.

We have to win. I can't stay depressed for another four years. My health care plan, family and wallet can't afford it.

So that evil TV will stay on, and continue to spew a variety of lies and innuendo until such time that I can turn it off and tune it out and get back to what's important. Finding a job so I can support my chocolate habit. God knows, if we have another Republican in the White House, I may have to get two jobs just so I can buy gas to get to the store!

See ya.

Day 1 - what the hell am I doing?

I've never blogged before. I'm guessing you can tell from my lovely layout and amateur writing. I am a writer, or at least I tell people that to justify my existence. You see, I am a SAHM. I'd like to find a job, part-time, but I am having a tough time of it. I started searching the web, found a mind boggling amount of crap and here I am.

I could be making a fortune fulfilling rebates. Literally. At least that's what the website told me. Or, I could be a medical transcriptionist. There's one shady website that offers a great "program" for only $39 (half their usual rate) that will set you up with "some referral to a company" that will make you up to $1500 a day. Imagine! What am I doing here? I could be pressing a few buttons and rolling in the bucks.

I'm a realist. Actually, I'm a positive Pessimist (I'd like to trademark this, but after checking the fee schedule on the USPTO site, that will not happen any time soon...$375!)

Positive Pessimism is my guiding principle. I am positive that the jerk in front of my car on the highway will slow down as soon as I try to pass him. I am positive it will rain if I schedule an outdoor wedding. I am positive that the minute I sit down to eat my breakfast, the children will sense that moment of relaxation and storm down the stairs looking for breakfast. (On that point, I have learned to have the beasties make their own breakfast.)

I've lived this way for almost 40 years. Not sure I will change. And for all the Pollyanna's in the world, it's not greener on the other side, there is no bright side, there aren't better days ahead. It's all downhill from here, baby, and I'm on the world's fastest sled.

Join me in my descent. It will be a slippery, fast ride with plenty of bumps and lots of injuries. But I will make it to the bottom. We all do.

See ya.