I hate catalogs. But, who am I kidding? I read them all. They show up on my doorstep, all shiny, clean, lovely, with lots to see and worlds to invite me into. They promise happiness from a billowing new blouse, a happy party with just the right dinner table accessories, an orderly house with another organizational tool. So easy. Just order, call 1-800-WESELLSTUFF, or go online www.promisingyoutheworld.com.
I got a catalog in the mail today. Coldwater Creek. The women look so happy, so bouncy, so ready for life. I'm guessing they have a lot of money. The clothes aren't cheap. I mean, come on, $80 for a cardigan and tank? That's way out of my budget. But you seem them, enjoying their life. Lounging on a wicker chair in their highly flattering ShapeMe jeans with front control panel. Tossing their hair as they laugh while their bandana patterned blue jacket, with just a hint of Ming florals, hangs so nicely over a crisp basic white t-shirt made from 100% cotton. It's so easy. I could have that jacket, with it's trapunto stitching at the waist - whatever the hell that is. It's handwashed, but really who cares when she looks so happy!
The clothes have a loose, casual look to them. See her, on the beach, in her light wrap with a slight sheen and beautiful crunchy texture. I am not making this up. It is in the catalog. She's got great teeth. Are those available in the catalog, too? She's probably on her way to a beach party with Kelly Ripa, ready to eat some fancy hors d'ouevres and drink cosmos with the celebrities. Now, if she can just find the right hand bag...wait, page 42, there. Now she's ready.
My life would be so easy. First, all I need is all the money I want. Makes sense. Then, with the right clothes, a new house, a different location, famous friends, a hairdresser, makeup artist, lighting expert, producer, agent, talent director, writer, set designer, set dresser, water boy, key grip, stunt double, catering service...I'll be so happy. Right?
Where's my credit card? I'm ready to order!
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