I was thinking about Jon and Kate +8. Not sure why. I don't even watch the show. But there is an irony there that I just can't stop thinking about. J & K renewed their wedding vows in a fancy outdoor ceremony in Hawaii this past year, with the TV cameras rolling. Kate was wearing a lovely white number (probably worth 10X was she spent the first time around), the kids were all there, cute and engaged. I don't remember what Jon looked like. I'm just thinking about the People Magazine spread on the family.
And now they are divorcing. What happened? They made the mistake of renewing their vows. Probably the same vows they took ten years ago, before children, before fame, before all of the little, insignificant events that have happened in the last ten years, shaping the people they have become.
Do those vows even still apply? And isn't renewing your vows tantamount to professing your undying love for your soul mate (whom you just met) in People Magazine? Give me one celebrity who has gotten married after knowing the person 2 weeks, three months, etc, who has gushed in a People Magazine article about how much they love the person, how they were made for each other, how they'll never love another who is actually still married. It's not realistic. You can't feel that kind of love for a person forever. It is all consuming. And when it starts to fade, they're gone.
Back to realism. Jon and Kate. Taking their vows. Honor, cherish, death do us part, sickness, health. Where's the vow of celebrity? The vow of picking your damn clothes up off the floor two inches from the hamper and putting them in? The vow of remembering your children's birthday without assistance? The vow to not give your wife something you think she needs (like an iron) but something she wants (like a ring)? The vow to remember that your wife is human and she needs attention, too, after all the kids taking, taking, taking from her all day long? The vow to not eat almost every last bit of chips in the house and then put the bag back on the shelf with barely enough crumbs to feed a mouse?
Their vows weren't realistic for their life. They had become celebrities, with or without the intention, they were now being followed by paparazzi. People craved stories about them. They were put under the microscope of public scrutiny. I don't know if that's what they wanted or not. But there they are. You need vows to address that.
It seems like a good time to secretly renew your own vows. What would you say this time around? What is more realistic and rational? Instead of "in sickness and in health" how about "I promise to not start throwing up myself when you are hurling into the toilet." Or "I vow not to hate you every minute of the day because you can eat whatever you want and not gain an ounce and I just look at a damn plate of cookies and gain 10 pounds." Instead of "to honor and cherish" how about "I vow to do the dishes for you because I know it makes you happy." Or "I vow to actually mean it when I say 'I'll try harder next time' after we've had an arguement." Instead of "until death do us part" let's try "Until we reach that point in our lives when we just really have nothing in common and decide it's for the best that we separate before we kill each other." Or "I vow to try to forget how mean you can get when you are angry and work with you to keep this marriage alive."
And where are the vows about taking turns putting the kids to bed? Or making an effort to take your wife out once in a while instead of falling asleep on the couch? Or learning to cook something other than scrambled eggs, tuna casserole and spaghetti? Those are the vows I'd like to see. Maybe if Jon and Kate had entered into their relationship with a more realistic view of how marriage would be, they might not be getting divorced. Who knows.
